Everything is Just Ducky!

Yep, that's me. With a goofy grin on my face.

Earlier this semester, I let time slip away from me and was 25 minutes late to class. My class. The one I teach.

It was a weird experience. The campus seemed deserted, even though it was a very pleasant Fall day. When I got into the Classroom Building (Really! We have a building named "Classroom Building" here) I noticed that the halls were nearly deserted. It was 2:20 in the afternoon and there should have been students and faculty scurrying about as classes let out and before the next classes began.

Something was wrong. My first thought was that somebody had pulled the fire alarm and everybody was outside waiting for the all-clear. But there weren't that many people outside as I had approached the building.

I made it upstairs to my classroom, noting other classes were filled as I walked down the hall.

Then I walked into my classroom, looking at my watch and noticing that it was not quite 2:30pm.

Hold the phone! 2:30!?!?! This was my day for my 2:00 class, not 2:30!

Of course, nobody waited around long enough to see if I was going to show up. I don't blame them. I was a student once and there was a kind of rule of thumb that you only stick around so many minutes if the professor was late and then assume he (or she - but for some reason it was never a she in my case) was not going to show up, then leave.

I could insert an excuse like "but then my Astrid app was bought out by Yahoo and dumped so my favorite to-do app that kept me on time for everything was no more," but I won't use that as an excuse.

I vowed to not let it happen again.


Fast forward to today - the end of the semester.

I was gleefully filling my little Christmas bucket (it's okay to mention Christmas on the Cyberwebs, right?) with candy canes to hand out in class today. It's the last day of my class for these students, and, being Dead Week at OSU, the only new material I had for them was candy.

Then I decided to put my Christmas Ducky bow tie on, so I went down the hall from my office to the restroom to make sure the tie was reasonable straight.

I came back to my office, where I had Christmas music playing on my Kindle Fire and I saw a post online that the Annual Stillwater Christmas Parade was canceled. What?! 

After the shock wore off (I mean, they've held the parade in colder weather and when it was actually snowing!), I put my bucket in my backpack, grabbed my textbook, and went to class, blissfully unaware of the time.

I walked outside into the late Fall crispy cold air and noticed that there weren't very many people out and about. But it was a pretty chilly day. 

I think I counted about three dozen snowflakes blowing around before I reached the Classroom Building. Certainly not enough to cancel a parade. Yeah, I'm a grown-up, but I still love parades!

Deja vu struck as I noticed the halls of the Classroom Building were noticeably empty. I walked up the stairs to the third floor and glanced at my watch - 2:25pm. Not a problem.

Whoops! It's Thursday. I am late for my 2:00 class. Again.

I chuckled as I walked into the empty room. I wrote an apology on the class web page, and uploaded my final PowerPoint presentation - three slides, wishing them good luck and congratulations to those graduating this Fall.

Apparently I don't always learn from my mistakes.
 
But I have plenty of candy canes. And a Ducky bow tie.

Something to Add to My To Don't List

I learned a couple of things today.

I enjoy donating blood at blood drives. I also like to joke around. I found that there is at least one time when I shouldn't joke at a blood drive.

Everything had gone smoothly. The Oklahoma Blood Institute (OBI) even made it easier by making the pre-donation questions available online.

One small hiccup, which was my fault, was that my heart-rate was 105 when I got there. I had run up four flights of stairs to go donate in the OSU Student Union's Starlight Terrace. A guy needs exercise, right? I had to sit and wait for a few minutes until my heart slowed down to normal.

The first to add to my To Don't List: When going to give blood, don't run up stairs or you'll have to sit, negating the time you thought you'd saved by getting there quickly.

My next opportunity to learn came when the lovely and talented OBI blood taker person was adjusting the rubber hose thingy that connects the big needle in the vein to the bags that catch the blood. You see, I was joking with the OBI people and just as the gal was getting ready to tape the tubing to my arm, I made her giggle. Not only did she giggle, but she jiggled. The needle. Ouch!

The second thing to add to my To Don't List: After they poke you with the needle, don't crack jokes before all the tubing is secured to your arm.

I hope I remember these things in a couple of months when I'm eligible to donate again.

Drunk Naked Guy (Don't Be A Party Pooper)

DISCLAIMER: You may find this horrifying and/or amusing, but I really hope the person gets some help.

I was working at a football game recently as part of the event staff. Our jobs include helping to enforce the policies of the venue, and working toward helping the fans have a positive experience.

Some fans, however, take things to an extreme, as was the case this time.

I was walking through the area of my responsibility when a fan came up to me. He seemed agitated and asked where the First Aid station was. It happened that we were actually pretty close to one of the First Aid posts, and we started walking toward it.

"What's the issue?" I asked. 

"There's a guy passed out in the bathroom over there," he said, pointing at the restroom. 

I noted the number of the bathroom, in case the First Aid people needed to record the incident.

We were getting closer to First Aid when a second person came up to me, having just left the restroom where the guy had passed out.

"There's a drunk guy passed out in a stall with the door locked!" he exclaimed, pointing at the restroom.

I started to hurry a bit, because this may mean more than one EHS (Environmental Safety and Health) would be needed.

I was almost at the First Aid door when a third fan came running up, saying, "There is a drunk guy passed out in the bathroom stall and he's naked!"

Now, I've reached the point where not only do I need to let EHS know, but the Command Post as well, because this might require police presence.

I got on the radio and reported, "Lyndon to Command."

The reply, "Go for Command."

I said, trying to keep a straight face, "There's a drunk naked guy locked in a bathroom stall in bathroom number N100L." (I'm not sure if that's the right number, but I gave the correct number at the time.)

No reply for several seconds.

Finally, "Would you repeat that?"

Again, I struggled to keep a straight face as I repeated what happened and where. I realize that people often laugh at things that happen suddenly and are somewhat disturbing when given time to think about it. I really was trying not to laugh, but at the time, it wasn't easy.

The Command Post said, "You'll need to contact the PD as well."

Before I could relay the message, the OSU Police responded, "PD en route."

I went into the First Aid station and told them the same thing. They were already starting to come out of the door with a stretcher, but for someone who had passed out in the stadium.

The first quarter wasn't even over yet when all this happened.

Upon reflection, I know this whole event makes for a funny story. But it probably wasn't funny to the guy who had passed out.

Why was he naked? Well, he had made it into the bathroom stall just in time, but his bodily functions let loose before he could get situated properly. When the police got to him, he only had a pair of socks on, and his discarded shirt was clean enough to wrap around him as he was taken out, passed out, on a stretcher.

I'm all about having fun. But sometimes people go a bit beyond a good time, and face consequences that are pitiful and/or embarrassing.

I hope they guy is okay.

I hope he gets some help as well.

Thumb Drive Commando

Has the following ever happened to you?

You forgot to do laundry last night. In the morning, you realize that you have no clean underwear. You don't have time to wash and dry a load of clothes, and hand-washing a pair of boxer-briefs is not only unappealing, but the idea of using the microwave to dry them is possibly not a good idea (note to self: check out whether drying wet clothes in the microwave works - start small, like a sock).

What do you do?

You can wear your cleanest of your dirty underwear is one option.

The other option is to "go commando."

Going commando is not that bad of an option. Some guys do it regularly, some all the time. I have two sons, and the topic has come up among us as viable options when you can't find clean underwear because you didn't do the laundry when you should have.

Is it a guy thing?

I'm saying it is. 

At least, I hope it is. I mean, I have a daughter, but I really don't want to know if she has ever had to go commando. That would send the train straight to TMI-ville, and I just don't want to go there.

When you go commando, unless you broadcast it to everybody, you're the only one who knows. If you don't go commando frequently, you remain somewhat self-conscious throughout the day because, well, you're not wearing any underwear. It really has no effect on your day. It's not like you have lucky underwear and without it bad things will happen. It's just that you know. You know?

Today is a day like that. I did have clean clothes to wear, so I'm good there. But when I got to work I realized my thumb drive was not in my pocket. It probably fell out while I was getting dressed. I know it's somewhere at home, so I'm not worried that I actually lost it. 

But I don't have it with me today.

You need to understand - it has things on it - documents, presentations, quizzes, tests, articles, etc., that I use for my classes. Plus it has more - an entire suite of programs that make things easier no matter where I happen to be. I can go visit my folks and, if an awesome idea hits me, I can plug my thumb drive in and act on the idea. I can log in to all of the sites I visit regularly from that thumb drive.

But I don't have it with me today.

Nothing bad will happen. Nobody really needs to know that I don't have it (let's face it - this blog post will never get 7 billion hits). I'm ready for the classes I teach today, and nothing that I really have to have is on the thumb drive that I forgot.

Nobody knows.

Except I know.

I'm going thumb drive commando today.

And now you know, too.

What Does It Mean? Part 1 (Probably)

We use words every day. It's part of the package of being human beings.

But I often find myself using words that I don't know the meaning of. (And yes, the previous sentence ended in a preposition - and I do know what "preposition" means).

I've found that by using an authoritative tone, I can bluff my way into word definitions that sound almost believable.

Today, for example, the conversation went like this:

Ty: What does "cul-de-sac" mean?
Me: It's French for "You're going the wrong way."
Ty: Really?
Jess: No. It means...It's a street..
Me: It's one of those streets that is closed off at the end, and there's a curvy part so you can turn around...
Jess: Yes!
Me: Because you're going the wrong way!

The three of us all at the same time:
   Jess: NO!!
   Ty: Really?
   Me: Yes!

Jess: Don't listen to Dad.
Me: But how will you learn about alternative definitions?

I like being creative with my vocabulary.

Hallowe'en and the Gremlins!

I was running a bit late this morning and missed the bus (by 3 minutes!) that comes by my place. But I knew the next bus would be along in less than half an hour.

A few minutes before the next bus arrived, I walked up to the stop. But by then, the sky had clouded over and it had cooled off some. I also forgot my phone. So I ran back inside (the bus was nowhere in sight, so I had a chance), grabbed my jacket and found my phone.

My jacket was being obstinate - one sleeve was halfway inside out and the sleeve lining had bunched up. I wrestled with the sleeve as I got out the door...oops! Forgot to lock the apartment. Locked the door and headed back up to the bus stop.

I knew it was going to be close.

It definitely was close - I'd missed the bus by less than a minute!

If I waited for the next bus, I would have been really late. My students are taking their tests online today, but I wanted to be sure to be in my office should something come up.

However, the campus is only a mile, maybe less, from my place, and my office adds a little more to the distance, but I walked it anyway.

The clouds decided to start a slow drizzle, and the non-pavement part of my journey was already wet from last night's rain. Fortunately, the drizzle didn't get much worse, and I made it to the office faster (but wetter) than I would have if I'd waited for the bus.

When I got logged in, I saw the first of the emails with questions about one test. Then another one popped up. Then a reminder that faculty and staff could get their flu shots today if we remember a copy of both sides of our insurance cards (yay! I get to use the quirky copier!) and the filled out form - link attached.

The link went nowhere.

I scrolled through my emails to see if there was another link, or perhaps one with an attached document.

Found it!

And by then, it was too late to get over to the Student Union (the #1 Student Union in the nation, I might add! GO POKES! We're #1 at awesome student unions!) to get the shot.

And now other emails have popped up regarding tests...and quizzes...and why wasn't anyone in class today (from a student who wasn't in class the last time and didn't know that the test was on line).

I've responded to the emails, corrected my mistakes (so far) on the test questions, and since all that stuff has already happened, I'm looking forward to the rest of my day.


HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

A Picture Would Be Worth a Thousand Words, But...

I really need to carry a camera with me. 

It was so hot when I got to my office this morning, I opened the window. I don't have a screen (somebody at some time decided to cut the entire screen out of its frame).

A few minutes ago, a squirrel scrambled up to the widow sill and sat there playing with a leaf. I said something, and it poked its head in, sniffed (a guess to see if I had any food that would be interesting), and then climbed back down.

Tomorrow, I'm bringing popcorn. 

And a camera. 

If it still works.

Weird Dreams on a Thursday Night

Last night I had a dream that all whole numbers from zero to 8667 had been stolen. Fractions were okay, as well as whole numbers less than zero or 8668 and greater.
 
When I woke up, I woke up inside another dream where the numbers had been restored, and I had a one question lab practical which I aced (I had to measure exactly 0.2ml of water and put it into a test tube).
 
Then I woke up from that dream and couldn't find my backpack, which I'd left in Mrs. Dougal's classroom from my elementary school.
 
I finally found my backpack and now I'm awake (I think) in the "real" world.

So... how was your Thursday night?

I nearly drowned once

It had been a hot summer, and the start of fall was still pretty warm. We had a company picnic out at Lake Carl Blackwell, at a spot with a "swimming beach" (back then, it was a small area with a semi-sandy shore and some buoys in place about 100 yards off shore). I was in pretty good shape back then, so I decided to swim out to the buoys and back while the burgers and dogs were grilling.

The lake water was colder than I'd expected and it wore me out quickly. I managed to reach the buoys, but I was really tired. My plan was to hang onto a buoy until I got my strength back and then swim back to shore, but the cold water was numbing me. Also, the buoy was smooth and round, with a slippery algae-covered chain descending into the depths. There really was nothing for me to hold onto, and I couldn't climb onto the one-time inviting sphere that was too slippery to grasp. I tried to get the attention of my friends on shore, but they thought I was just waving, and waved back cheerily before turning their attention to the food and fun. 

I had to choice but to swim back to shallower water. The lake water was way over my head as I struggled to swim to shore. The cold water made my arms and legs feel heavier with every struggling stroke. When I got too tired to swim, I tried to float, but I'm a "sinker" - throughout my life, every time I try to float on my back, my feet sink, pulling the rest of me down. My next plan was to try to kick off the bottom and towards the shore.  The first time, I nearly panicked when the bottom was much deeper than I'd realized. I kicked up and shot above the surface, sucking in sweet, sweet air. I tried to swim a little farther, but I was getting more and more tired, which didn't help my near-panicked state of mind.
 

Eventually I reached a point where the water was only a couple of feet over my head. I took what I thought was my last breath, sank down and into about six inches of mud, then kicked off the bottom toward shore. I lunged up and forward, gasping for air, but I couldn't get a full breath. Resigned to my fate I started to go down for the last time.
 

Miraculously, when I touched bottom, my head was partly above the water - if I tilted back, both my nose and mouth were able to suck in air. The panic had already subsided - I had accepted the fact that I would drown had my head not been high enough, and so I was able to calmly take slow, deep breaths as hope came pouring back into me. I finally managed to catch my breath and wade to shore.
 

When I got back to my friends, I asked why nobody noticed I was drowning. They thought I was just clowning around and trying to act like a dolphin each time I shot above the surface.
 

This was one time I wish I hadn't had a reputation for being a buffoon.
 

The point of all this is that you might be careful this summer when you're swimming or with others who are swimming. Drowning doesn't always look like it does on TV or in a movie. Since then, I make sure I'm aware of my limitations, and I watch out for others who looking like they are having fun, but may actually be struggling.

I Can Do This

This post will be pretty brief. I'm typing it on my Kindle Fire, which is awesome, but once I got away from one-finger typing, it's been tough to get back into that except for short notes.

A week or so ago, I spilled a small amount of coffee on my laptop's keyboard. No major damage, but several keys are stuck (I sugar up my coffee most of the time). I can use my onscreen keyboard, but it's kinda cumbersome.

Fortunately, I've found out my Kindle 's onscreen keyboard works just as well, and much more portable. As long as I have some WiFi available, I can update my blog when the spirit moves me.

My next task will be to see if I can use one of the note taking apps to write something offline, and then post it later.

Whoa! I think this is gonna work pretty well!

I MacGyvered Some Fries Tonight

I thought french fries would be good to accompany supper tonight, so I fired up the oven to about 425 and went to the freezer to pull out the....oh, cr@p! We were out of fries and I didn't want to go to the store for just a bag of frozen fries.

However, I did have several potatoes on hand. And a knife...erg! The one I wanted was in the dishwasher which was barely into the wash cycle.

I pulled an apple corer out of a drawer. It's one of those doohickeys that not only cores the apple, but slices it into wedges at the same time. I found that it also works well on potatoes, with the core being (bonus!) a cylinder of potato. It was much faster than slicing those potatoes into wedges.

Next step - putting the wedges into the baking pan and brushing them with oil. Except I didn't know where the little basting brush was. 

Not a problem! I put the wedges into a zippered plastic storage bag, along with a little grapeseed oil (because that was what we had), closed the bag and shook the heck out of it for about 10 seconds. Voila! Evenly coated potato wedges!

Now I poured them onto the baking pan, sprinkled the wedges with seasoning, popped them in the oven and half an hour later we had the best fried (well... baked) potato wedges we've had in a long time.

Maybe I should write this down, in case I want to do it again.

Oh, wait!  
I just did!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

This day commemorates the activities of the tiny fishing village of Pollo del Mar, which had a cannery, a bakery, and not much else. The people of the town were tired of their diet of fish and bread. One day, however, a crate washed ashore and changed everything. Inside the crate? Five jars of mayonnaise.

The baker sliced loaves of bread and some guy named Charlie mixed the mayo with tuna from the cannery and the community discovered that their food supply would go farther, and was tastier than plain tuna and bread.

Every year the people of Pollo del Mar celebrate the anniversary of when the five jars of mayo washed ashore.

I'm sure there is probably another version of why Cinco de Mayo is celebrated, but I thought this story should be thrown into the mix as well.

*Ding!*

Ahhh... My chimichangas are ready!

The Joke's On Me

This past Saturday, at some point, I twisted my back but didn't think anything about it at the time.

A little bit later I walked up a flight of stairs and things got all sparkly, kinda like what would happen at the onset of a migraine I guess, but I'm not prone to migraines. Again, I thought it was no big deal, and I was probably still a little dehydrated from giving blood earlier in the week and then fasting on Good Friday.

Yesterday (Sunday) I noticed the pain in my back. Also, it would occasionally shoot down my leg while walking.  Yep, I must have pinched a nerve.  Been there, done that, and ibuprofen should work.

This morning the pain is still here and now it hurts even when I'm sitting.  More rest and now a hot pack thrown into the mix.

I had plans for April Fool's pranks for others today - not myself!

Hello World

I'm currently teaching two classes, three days a week at the main OSU campus in Stillwater, OK, and one class on Thursdays at the OSU campus in Tulsa.  Additionally, I pick up extra hours working at a second job.

Both jobs require my focus and attention, and I really don't need extra distractions to divert that attention.  As a result, I set my cell phone to vibrate or off when I'm teaching, working at my other job, or driving to one location or another.

In other words, I've disconnected myself from the electronic tether that seems so ubiquitous these days.  At first, I found it somewhat disconcerting to not being able to be reached or to reach out and check for messages.

I overcame that odd feeling, and I've found that I'm really starting to like escaping that electronic leash, even if it's for a short time.  Actually, I've been extending that time of freedom, because I really like reconnecting to the world - the world that has been around a few billion years before cell phones, the Internet, and the wonderful electronic gadgetry humans have created in such a short period.

I acknowledge that I belong to two worlds - the affinity with nature guy that I've always been, and the gadget-loving guy that I began to turn into probably after seeing my first sci-fi movie.

It's the nature-me that I've enjoyed getting back into touch with.  I can't afford to wander off into the wilderness and live out of a tent, but I can certainly unplug and reconnect with the land, the plants, the birds, the awesome power of nature for awhile each day.

I love it when I grab my backpack, loaded with materials for class, turn off the phone, walk out the door and head toward campus.

Hello world! Thanks for waiting for me.