Drunk Naked Guy (Don't Be A Party Pooper)

DISCLAIMER: You may find this horrifying and/or amusing, but I really hope the person gets some help.

I was working at a football game recently as part of the event staff. Our jobs include helping to enforce the policies of the venue, and working toward helping the fans have a positive experience.

Some fans, however, take things to an extreme, as was the case this time.

I was walking through the area of my responsibility when a fan came up to me. He seemed agitated and asked where the First Aid station was. It happened that we were actually pretty close to one of the First Aid posts, and we started walking toward it.

"What's the issue?" I asked. 

"There's a guy passed out in the bathroom over there," he said, pointing at the restroom. 

I noted the number of the bathroom, in case the First Aid people needed to record the incident.

We were getting closer to First Aid when a second person came up to me, having just left the restroom where the guy had passed out.

"There's a drunk guy passed out in a stall with the door locked!" he exclaimed, pointing at the restroom.

I started to hurry a bit, because this may mean more than one EHS (Environmental Safety and Health) would be needed.

I was almost at the First Aid door when a third fan came running up, saying, "There is a drunk guy passed out in the bathroom stall and he's naked!"

Now, I've reached the point where not only do I need to let EHS know, but the Command Post as well, because this might require police presence.

I got on the radio and reported, "Lyndon to Command."

The reply, "Go for Command."

I said, trying to keep a straight face, "There's a drunk naked guy locked in a bathroom stall in bathroom number N100L." (I'm not sure if that's the right number, but I gave the correct number at the time.)

No reply for several seconds.

Finally, "Would you repeat that?"

Again, I struggled to keep a straight face as I repeated what happened and where. I realize that people often laugh at things that happen suddenly and are somewhat disturbing when given time to think about it. I really was trying not to laugh, but at the time, it wasn't easy.

The Command Post said, "You'll need to contact the PD as well."

Before I could relay the message, the OSU Police responded, "PD en route."

I went into the First Aid station and told them the same thing. They were already starting to come out of the door with a stretcher, but for someone who had passed out in the stadium.

The first quarter wasn't even over yet when all this happened.

Upon reflection, I know this whole event makes for a funny story. But it probably wasn't funny to the guy who had passed out.

Why was he naked? Well, he had made it into the bathroom stall just in time, but his bodily functions let loose before he could get situated properly. When the police got to him, he only had a pair of socks on, and his discarded shirt was clean enough to wrap around him as he was taken out, passed out, on a stretcher.

I'm all about having fun. But sometimes people go a bit beyond a good time, and face consequences that are pitiful and/or embarrassing.

I hope they guy is okay.

I hope he gets some help as well.