Something to Add to My To Don't List

I learned a couple of things today.

I enjoy donating blood at blood drives. I also like to joke around. I found that there is at least one time when I shouldn't joke at a blood drive.

Everything had gone smoothly. The Oklahoma Blood Institute (OBI) even made it easier by making the pre-donation questions available online.

One small hiccup, which was my fault, was that my heart-rate was 105 when I got there. I had run up four flights of stairs to go donate in the OSU Student Union's Starlight Terrace. A guy needs exercise, right? I had to sit and wait for a few minutes until my heart slowed down to normal.

The first to add to my To Don't List: When going to give blood, don't run up stairs or you'll have to sit, negating the time you thought you'd saved by getting there quickly.

My next opportunity to learn came when the lovely and talented OBI blood taker person was adjusting the rubber hose thingy that connects the big needle in the vein to the bags that catch the blood. You see, I was joking with the OBI people and just as the gal was getting ready to tape the tubing to my arm, I made her giggle. Not only did she giggle, but she jiggled. The needle. Ouch!

The second thing to add to my To Don't List: After they poke you with the needle, don't crack jokes before all the tubing is secured to your arm.

I hope I remember these things in a couple of months when I'm eligible to donate again.

Drunk Naked Guy (Don't Be A Party Pooper)

DISCLAIMER: You may find this horrifying and/or amusing, but I really hope the person gets some help.

I was working at a football game recently as part of the event staff. Our jobs include helping to enforce the policies of the venue, and working toward helping the fans have a positive experience.

Some fans, however, take things to an extreme, as was the case this time.

I was walking through the area of my responsibility when a fan came up to me. He seemed agitated and asked where the First Aid station was. It happened that we were actually pretty close to one of the First Aid posts, and we started walking toward it.

"What's the issue?" I asked. 

"There's a guy passed out in the bathroom over there," he said, pointing at the restroom. 

I noted the number of the bathroom, in case the First Aid people needed to record the incident.

We were getting closer to First Aid when a second person came up to me, having just left the restroom where the guy had passed out.

"There's a drunk guy passed out in a stall with the door locked!" he exclaimed, pointing at the restroom.

I started to hurry a bit, because this may mean more than one EHS (Environmental Safety and Health) would be needed.

I was almost at the First Aid door when a third fan came running up, saying, "There is a drunk guy passed out in the bathroom stall and he's naked!"

Now, I've reached the point where not only do I need to let EHS know, but the Command Post as well, because this might require police presence.

I got on the radio and reported, "Lyndon to Command."

The reply, "Go for Command."

I said, trying to keep a straight face, "There's a drunk naked guy locked in a bathroom stall in bathroom number N100L." (I'm not sure if that's the right number, but I gave the correct number at the time.)

No reply for several seconds.

Finally, "Would you repeat that?"

Again, I struggled to keep a straight face as I repeated what happened and where. I realize that people often laugh at things that happen suddenly and are somewhat disturbing when given time to think about it. I really was trying not to laugh, but at the time, it wasn't easy.

The Command Post said, "You'll need to contact the PD as well."

Before I could relay the message, the OSU Police responded, "PD en route."

I went into the First Aid station and told them the same thing. They were already starting to come out of the door with a stretcher, but for someone who had passed out in the stadium.

The first quarter wasn't even over yet when all this happened.

Upon reflection, I know this whole event makes for a funny story. But it probably wasn't funny to the guy who had passed out.

Why was he naked? Well, he had made it into the bathroom stall just in time, but his bodily functions let loose before he could get situated properly. When the police got to him, he only had a pair of socks on, and his discarded shirt was clean enough to wrap around him as he was taken out, passed out, on a stretcher.

I'm all about having fun. But sometimes people go a bit beyond a good time, and face consequences that are pitiful and/or embarrassing.

I hope they guy is okay.

I hope he gets some help as well.

Thumb Drive Commando

Has the following ever happened to you?

You forgot to do laundry last night. In the morning, you realize that you have no clean underwear. You don't have time to wash and dry a load of clothes, and hand-washing a pair of boxer-briefs is not only unappealing, but the idea of using the microwave to dry them is possibly not a good idea (note to self: check out whether drying wet clothes in the microwave works - start small, like a sock).

What do you do?

You can wear your cleanest of your dirty underwear is one option.

The other option is to "go commando."

Going commando is not that bad of an option. Some guys do it regularly, some all the time. I have two sons, and the topic has come up among us as viable options when you can't find clean underwear because you didn't do the laundry when you should have.

Is it a guy thing?

I'm saying it is. 

At least, I hope it is. I mean, I have a daughter, but I really don't want to know if she has ever had to go commando. That would send the train straight to TMI-ville, and I just don't want to go there.

When you go commando, unless you broadcast it to everybody, you're the only one who knows. If you don't go commando frequently, you remain somewhat self-conscious throughout the day because, well, you're not wearing any underwear. It really has no effect on your day. It's not like you have lucky underwear and without it bad things will happen. It's just that you know. You know?

Today is a day like that. I did have clean clothes to wear, so I'm good there. But when I got to work I realized my thumb drive was not in my pocket. It probably fell out while I was getting dressed. I know it's somewhere at home, so I'm not worried that I actually lost it. 

But I don't have it with me today.

You need to understand - it has things on it - documents, presentations, quizzes, tests, articles, etc., that I use for my classes. Plus it has more - an entire suite of programs that make things easier no matter where I happen to be. I can go visit my folks and, if an awesome idea hits me, I can plug my thumb drive in and act on the idea. I can log in to all of the sites I visit regularly from that thumb drive.

But I don't have it with me today.

Nothing bad will happen. Nobody really needs to know that I don't have it (let's face it - this blog post will never get 7 billion hits). I'm ready for the classes I teach today, and nothing that I really have to have is on the thumb drive that I forgot.

Nobody knows.

Except I know.

I'm going thumb drive commando today.

And now you know, too.

What Does It Mean? Part 1 (Probably)

We use words every day. It's part of the package of being human beings.

But I often find myself using words that I don't know the meaning of. (And yes, the previous sentence ended in a preposition - and I do know what "preposition" means).

I've found that by using an authoritative tone, I can bluff my way into word definitions that sound almost believable.

Today, for example, the conversation went like this:

Ty: What does "cul-de-sac" mean?
Me: It's French for "You're going the wrong way."
Ty: Really?
Jess: No. It means...It's a street..
Me: It's one of those streets that is closed off at the end, and there's a curvy part so you can turn around...
Jess: Yes!
Me: Because you're going the wrong way!

The three of us all at the same time:
   Jess: NO!!
   Ty: Really?
   Me: Yes!

Jess: Don't listen to Dad.
Me: But how will you learn about alternative definitions?

I like being creative with my vocabulary.